1935-, American Director, Screenwriter, Actor, Comedian
A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
Woody Allen – [Sex]
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
Woody Allen – [Relationships]
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen – [Maturity]
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
Woody Allen – [Punishment]
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen – [Comedy and Comedians]
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen – [Success]
I am at two with nature.
Woody Allen – [Nature]
I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen – [Death and Dying]
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to… if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.
Woody Allen – [Drugs]
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen – [Immortality]
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Woody Allen – [Comedy and Comedians]
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Woody Allen – [Love]
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Woody Allen – [Metaphysics]
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead — not sick, not wounded — dead.
Woody Allen – [Food and Eating]
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
Woody Allen – [Club]
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen – [Death and Dying]
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
Woody Allen – [Intelligence and Intellectuals]
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen – [Movies]
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen – [Skepticism]
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
Woody Allen – [Risk]