1935-, American Director, Screenwriter, Actor, Comedian
A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
Woody Allen – [Sex]

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
Woody Allen – [Relationships]

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen – [Maturity]

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
Woody Allen – [Punishment]

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen – [Comedy and Comedians]

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen – [Success]

I am at two with nature.
Woody Allen – [Nature]

I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen – [Death and Dying]

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to… if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.
Woody Allen – [Drugs]

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen – [Immortality]

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Woody Allen – [Comedy and Comedians]

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Woody Allen – [Love]

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Woody Allen – [Metaphysics]

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead — not sick, not wounded — dead.
Woody Allen – [Food and Eating]

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
Woody Allen – [Club]

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen – [Death and Dying]

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen – [Movies]

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen – [Skepticism]

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
Woody Allen – [Risk]

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