A drinker has a hole under his nose that all his money runs into.

A few years back I was more a candidate for skid row bum than an Emmy. If I hadn't stopped [drinking], I'd be playing handball with John Belushi right now.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.

A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.

A sudden violent jolt of it has been known to stop the victim's watch, snap his suspenders and crack his glass eye right across.

A torchlight procession marching down your throat.

Alcohol doesn't console, it doesn't fill up anyone's psychological gaps, all it replaces is the lack of God. It doesn't comfort man. On the contrary, it encourages him in his folly, it transports him to the supreme regions where he is master of his own destiny.

Alcohol is barren. The words a man speaks in the night of drunkenness fade like the darkness itself at the coming of day.

Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.

Ale, man, ale's the stuff to drink for fellows whom it hurts to think.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor.

And must I wholly banish hence these red and golden juices, and pay my vows to Abstinence, that pallidest of Muses?

And when night, darkens the streets, then wander forth the sons of Belial, flown with insolence and wine.

At the punch-bowl's brink, let the thirsty think, what they say in Japan: first the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the man!

Beauty is in the eye of the Beer holder!

Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.

Bring in the bottled lightning, a clean tumbler, and a corkscrew.

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